Leaving

Dear Clients,

I am leaving you, it is sad for me and I truly hope that in doing so I do not harm any one.  I was  offered a position that aligns better with my current needs, namely flexibility.  See I have a new baby and I know that at some point he is going to need me to stay home with him and I want to be able to to that without jeopardizing your treatment and care. I also really want to return to school so that I can begin working on my dream of becoming a professor.  It is for these very good reasons that I have made the decision to leave you.

It was a hard decision. It was difficult because you have taught me so much about my self, and about people/life in general; and that is something I cannot repay.  I hope that I have been helpful, I hope that the seeds planted in the past two and half years will grow in your life and give you some peace, or happiness, or whatever it was that you came in search of.  It is my ever present hope that the stigma and marginalization of people with mental illness will continue to diminish.  You are strong, you are brave, you are creative, you are more than you think you are.

Thank you for showing me both what fear and courage look like. Thank you helping me learn how to better communicate in my relationships. Thank you for offering me accountability in my own life. Thank you for demonstrating resilience, resourcefulness, and (at times) responsibility.  Thank you for making me "practice what I preach." Thank you. I am a better person for my time with you, I am a far better therapist and social worker. I will take the lessons you have given me and I will pass them along.

Sincerely,
Jessica

Looking for a way to talk to others about your mental health, this video might help you find the right words.  Looking for a way to advocate or get involved in communities to stop the stigma of mental illness, please visit http://www.nami.org/ and find a place or a way to get involved.

Mother's Day

Dear Mother's Day,

This year I celebrated You from a new perspective and to be quite honest it didn't go "right." I understand that this is, in large part my fault, and I am really working on owning that fact. I was unprepared, and I didn't understand my wants, needs or feelings related to you.  See, I believe that there are some thing in life you should make a fuss about, and there are some things in life that I don't think deserve a fuss. I didn't think You deserved a fuss so I told my Bear not to get anything (This usually means that he will spend less then $20. Which he did.).  But a few weeks before You got here we had my parents over and we decided that we wanted to watch a movie... as we talked about what movie to watch I said that if we were at their house we could use their "On Demand" to watch Catching Fire as none of us had seen it.  This prompted Bear to give me my gift (Catching Fire) early so we could all watch it together.  Is was a nice evening and I enjoyed the movie. But then You got here for real.

I should also tell you, dear Mother's Day, that the week You were scheduled to get here my Mother had to have surgery. She is doing OK, healing, but it was a pretty big deal. She got out of the hospital the day before You. So when You get here I went to my mom's place to be with her so she didn't have to be alone while my dad was preaching. This meant I woke up early and got out of the house as quickly as is possible with my three month old so that we could be with Nana. Bear decided that he would bring us breakfast but there was a bit of miscommunication (thank you text messaging) and I didn't exactly get my order. Then our little bear had a huge freak out and I realized that I forget his pacifier at home so Bear drove back home to get the pacifier, which was so nice of him but that meant that we used up all the family time we had before he had to go to work. So off goes Bear after dropping off the pacifier.

As the day went on there were plenty of things that were nice, I got to nap with little bear and had some really nice talks with my parents. I got a book to read with Little Bear that will be really nice and some new burp clothes because even though I now own about 20 I can still never find one when I need one.  But in the end I felt disappointed. There was no fanfare, there was nothing special about the day. And honestly after the surgery and a few others things that happened that week I was still really stressed.  Now that I am on this side of Your visit I am moving past the disappointment and I have learned a lesson.  I want just a little rigmarole. I want a gift (on Mother's Day) not a pricey one but something. I want a nice dinner, preferably one I don't have to cook, is not circular, and has never been frozen.

Next year Mother's day I know what I am going to do and I am going to much better prepared to enjoy You rather than feel let down by You. I've got your number, and I've got a plan.

Sincerely,
Jessica

A Year in Review

Dear Internet,

Last February I stopped blogging. But today I'd like to begin again.

So a year (and a bit) has gone by and these have been some big changes in my life.  The biggest of which is that I had a baby. Little Bear (as he will be referred to here) is now three months old. Shortly before he was born someone told me that being is parent is like having your heart walk outside of your body, I smiled, now I understand. 

@ the hospital, minutes after being born :) (photo credit: amy)

 

Little Bear and his Mommy (photo credit: amy)

Becoming a mom is a whole new level of new. But I am having fun (for the most part) and I have discovered that I'm pretty well suited to motherhood.  Big Bear always wanted kids; I on the other hand just thought if it happened it would be OK.  But after trying to get for more than two and half years I was really invested in being a mom.  In April last year our little miracle was conceived and after an arduous 10 months of waiting (and vomiting) I finally got to meet him.  I was super blessed to have a friend there to document the whole thing, if you care to you can read more about it here: http://www.mostlynonsense365.com/2014/01/birth.html

 

So to put my year in review, I got pregnant, I was sick a lot, I had a baby, I adjusted to life with baby and then I returned to work where I had to adjust to life as a working mommy.  I hope to start documenting life a little bit more and I hope you won't mind reading about my new adventure.

 

Always,

Jessica