My Top 5

A few months ago at work we were given a book Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath.  The gift came with a directive to log onto the website and take a short(ish) assessment to discover your top 5 strengths. Which I promtply (two days before it was due) did.  I have to say that overall the results were interesting; I don't know that I fully agree with the strengths that the assessment came up with for me.

[Here's the part where I have to take some responsibility, I did the assessment too quickly, I didn't read anything before hand and I really didn't care what it would say becuase it was for a work retreat that I didn't really want to go to.]

That said, when it was all over I was left with a list of strengths that I felt didn't quite fit and then I was very disappointed becuase I couldn't retake the assessment in a more calm state of being. Mr. Rath or his company (whichever) has limited the assessment to once per book.  For a minute I almost bought a second book, until I realized I was being crazy over something that didn't really matter.

The book lists 34 different strengths... I feel fairly certain that I can list them, but for more than that you might have to buy/borrow the book. I bolded the ones I identified for myself (yes, there are more than five) and underlined the ones the assessment identified for me. All five of the assessment one were ones I connected with I'm just not sure I would have put them in the top 5.
The strengths are:
Achiever
Activator
Adaptability
Analytical
Arranger
Belief
Command
Communication
Competition
Cennectedness
Consistency
Context
Deliberative
Developer
Discipline
Empathy
Focus
Futuristic
Harmony
Ideation
Includer
Individualism
Input
Intellection
Learner
Maximizer
Positivitiy
Relator
Responsibility
Resorative
Self-Assurance
Significane
Strategic
Woo

So why don't I fully agree with the results?
When I did finally go back and read about the assessment I learned that if you answer uncertain to questions it basically throws those questions out... I believe that given the time rush, I answered with too many uncertains which I also blieve if I could do it again would result in a different top 5.  But I got what I got and...

I thought that to get back into this blogging thing (yes I know I've been gone) I would talk about
My Top 5... 
                            Not right now!  But over the next few weeks :)

Love!

Website Obsession

There are a few websites that I just can't give up. They have different purposes; some make me smile, or think, or learn, whatever their function I just can't (haven't actually tried) give them up.

1. Facebook - Now I've gone months without checking this most addictive website, but I can't get rid of it completely, its basically my dominant email address now.  I like status updates and pictures and I have fun cyber stalking people.  I did give up all my FB games because I was spending too much time on it, I think that's good enough.

2. Pinterest - It makes me so happy, it inspires me, I love pinning, repinning, liking. Its awesome.  I have in the past made real life pin boards but the virtual ones are easier and cheaper, and less time consuming, (or at least I tell myself they are).

3. YouTube - my favorite, favorite channel is Geek and Sundry! I am still sort of learning channels and looking for other good ones to follow, but overall I know I can count on You Tube to have the music video I want to see, or a season of America's Next Top Model that I can watch while I'm sick in bed.

4. Netflix - Ok, I have to admit that this might not actually be a website... but I watch Netflix on my computer and kindle mostly so its web based.  Hello, TV on demand. So bad for me, but I love it. I can say I try to have at least one show on Netflix at a time that I will not allow myself to watch unless I'm watching while exercising. I should also mention I haven't seen an episode of Scrubs for more than a month now. Drat.

5. Sevenly - This is my newest obsession. It is a website that does cause t-shirts, hoodies, tote bags and so on. Each week they have a new cause and they sell the goods for the week giving a share of the profit to the organization that are building awareness for during the week.  It increases both funding and awareness for the organization.  So awesome!

6. Etsy - Someday I think I may open my own etsy shop but until that time I really like seeing both the amazing and possible things people try to sell on this lovely little website.  Talk about inspiration!

7. Amazon.com - I would buy everything in my life from this website for free two day shipping if I could get away with it.  I am in LOVE with the new Kindle Owner's Lending Library. I am in LOVE with free books and music.  And I am in LOVE with the Cloud.  Not to mention that I can store my wish list, organize the gifts that people want or that I have purchased for them, and that I can buy just about everything I want/need.  Have I ever told you that they sell Turkish Delight, the good kind?  Cause they do!

8. Google - Remember when you had a question and you'd have to talk to people or open an encyclopedia, my (future hypothetical) kids won't!  Oh Google, I love it when they have "special days" and I learn new things, I love that I can ask it anything I want. Not to even mention Google Maps, Google Earth, Google Reader, Gmail, G+, etc.

9. Remax - I know this is a little weird, but I love looking at houses. Floor plans, decorations, I find it all interesting and information regarding my future home buying information. 

10. TED Talks - So challenging, so interesting, so much to learn to grow from and enjoy. 

So just a little more insight into the mind of me!
:)

Vocabulary

I have been pretty busy in the past few months. I have this go, go, go feeling and every time I start to think about a blog post something else happens...

But tonight I asked my Dad to take me out to dinner and while out he told me I should blog, and since I'm a good daughter that's what I'm doing. And... well... Its still an hour until So You Think You Can Dance starts.  I love that show.

So I thought I would give you all a Vocabulary Lesson... here are some words that I try to live up to.

gen·u·ine 

adjective

1. possessing the claimed or attributed character, quality, origin; not counterfeit; authentic; real: genuine sympathy; a genuine antique.
2. free from pretense, affectation, or hypocrisy; sincere: a genuine person

When I was younger there were a lot of times in my life that I felt like I had to put a mask on, to present myself as what I felt others wanted me to be.  As I got older I made the decision that I didn't want to do that anymore... it became very important to me to become who I am all the time... to be genuinely Jessica.

ex·traor·di·nar·y

 

adjective

1. beyond what is usual, ordinary, regular, or established:extraordinary costs.
2. exceptional in character, amount, extent, degree, etc.;noteworthy; remarkable: extraordinary speed; an extraordinary man.
3. (of an official, employee, etc.) outside of or additional to the ordinary staff; having a special, often temporary task orresponsibility: minister extraordinary and plenipotentiary.

Well this is a word that I have loved for as long back as I can remember.  I hate to brag (ok not really) but my family is pretty extraordinary.  I have always loved anytime I have been referred to as extraordinary.  I want to live an extraordinary life, I have chosen to do this by helping others, and my prayer is that in some way I am living up to my dream.

in·ten·tion·al

adjective

1. done with intention or on purpose; intended: an intentional insult.
2. of or pertaining to intention or purpose.

I have a good friend with a tattoo on her wrist that says "live with intent," its beautiful, I love it. IT made me think.  This is a really awesome idea.  In the last couple years I have challenged many of the people I work with to be intentional and I have endeavored to to do the same.  Intentionally love my husband, Intentionally spend time on myself, Intentionally honor my friendships...  Its hard but it is so much better than moving through life without making an impact.

peace

  

noun

1. the normal, non-warring condition of a nation, group ofnations, or the world.
2. a state of mutual harmony between people or groups,especially in personal relations: Try to live in peace with your neighbors.
3. the normal freedom from civil commotion and violence of a community; public order and security: He was arrested for being drunk and disturbing the peace.
4. cessation of or freedom from any strife or dissension.

Peace became a focus for me while in college, 9-11 happened - a war started, and I was attending a college affiliated with the Church of the Brethren, which is a historic peace church.  I was confronted with ideas and beliefs and in the end Peace and peaceful conflict resolution came out as really important to me.

faith·ful

adjective

1. strict or thorough in the performance of duty: a faithful worker.
2. true to one's word, promises, vows, etc.
3. steady in allegiance or affection; loyal; constant: faithful friends.
4. reliable, trusted, or believed.
5. adhering or true to fact, a standard, or an original;accurate: a faithful account; a faithful copy.

I grew up in a home with faith, I find that faith is very important to get through each day.  I once heard a sermon about the faith we place in things throughout our day such as I have faith that when I hit a light switch the light will come on.  The sermon challenged us to a greater faith, since that time I have attempted do live up to that challenge.  

So there are some of the words that I am trying to live up to.  I know that they are big words, in the sense that they are big concepts. But its my goal... I don't always meet it but the attempt it good!

It's My Birthday

Today I turn 30 years old. I have to admit that while a few months ago this number was daunting as it approached I discovered that it bothered me less and less...

I have honestly had a wonderful birthday.





I came home on Friday to some pretty flowers that Bear arranged for me.










Then we hosted a game night pitch-in, we played some great games, had a small nerf gun fight, and ate a lot of cupckaes (some friends of mine just finished a cake decorating class and they brought 40 cupcakes)






On Saturday I got a massage and then headed out to have dinner with some more friends on Saturday.  I also had a family dinner on Sunday, lunch today and I went to see the new movie Mirror Mirror.  Its been a great weekend and I super nice birthday.    I also get some very nice gifts...

Big shout of Thanks to Bear and his parents! 

These plus the new "Girl with a Dragon Tattoo" movie, a couple gift cards, theatre tickets...  going to go see Young Frankenstein in a few weeks... a a few new games!

Oh and then there was my 30 by 30... lets see how I did!
Places to go:
1.  Church every Sunday - Accomplished
2.  Dinner Date with Bear - Accomplished
3.  Zumba class - The class I was going to go to got canceled when the instructor got a full time job... so I did not do this... 
4.  On a 3 mile walk - My longest walk was about a mile and half... but better than before and still a goal
5.  A Day Trip - Accomplished, I meant to blog about this... maybe I still will.
People to See/Connect with:
6.  Jessii - Accomplished
7.  Samantha - Wanted a face to face, settled with email
8.  Andrew - Accomplished
9.  Deana - Accomplished
10. Michelle - Not Accomplished... still a goal
11. Dave & Kim - Accomplished
12. Grandma - Accomplished
13. Celeste - Accomplished
14. Lauren - SUB Dan E.
15. Nicole & Andrew SUB Bonnie and Sam
Things to do:
16. Bike 100 miles - I did 75... which is 75 more than last month... so not quite but still really proud of myself.
17. Go a week with no more then 2 hours TV/day - Accomplished
18. Catch up on laundry - do we ever truly catch up... we are pretty close and I'm happy.
19. Pack away seasonal decorations - Not accomplished... I am currently using my tubs at my office and until I can get some furniture I can't really bring the tubs home... I still want this done soon.
20. Rake and Weed the garden - NOT ACCOMPLISHED but must do soon!
21. Sew something - Accomplished
22. Read a whole book on kindle - Accomplished
23. Spend an afternoon in my hammock - SUB BED - I didn't get the hammock hung but I did spend an afternoon reading.
24. Cook a South African dinner (SUB Mole Sauce) Accomplished
25. Complete TU application & FAFSA FAFSA done, TU app not done
26. Blog 6 times - I don't think I made six but close
27. Research diet options - going to subscribe to eMealz to help with planning and shopping Accomplished28. Start Halloween scrapbook - got picture printed - Accomplished
29. Get a massage - Accomplished30. Have a birthday pitch-in/game night - Accomplished


I like the idea of having monthly goals, it help me hold myself accountable to myself so in the next month here are the things I want to work towards!
The things I want to do next month:
1.   Complete TU application
2.   Cook a South African dinner
3.   Hang Hammock
4.   Rake and Weed the garden
5.   Pack away seasonal decorations
6.   Sew pants
7.   Continue blogging
8.   Increase exercise to 40 mins per day
9.   Connect with, Nicole & Andrew, Michelle, Samantha
10. Go on 3 mile walk

Ups and Downs

There is this feeling in life that we have to have bad times so we can appreciate the good times.  I'm not really sure where this thought came from but I know that it is something that I took as a given until a few months ago.  I was at a training and the trainer started talking about how much of our life we'd be willing to settle for being not so good or bad... then she asked us how much we'd settle on for our children.  I know I don't have kids yet but it really got me thinking... why not strive for good all the time... why accept that bad things happen, I mean attitude shapes everything anyway right? 

So I am trying this thing where I focus on the ups and try to change my attitude about the downs in life.  I say all this to let you know that I think it might be working...  I really did not want to do my exercising the last two days and I did it anyway... I can't really say that they were affective workouts, or that I felt better after but I can say that I'm glad I'm not giving up and while I still HATE exercising I know its good for me in multiple ways. 

I can also say that overall this week has been an emotional one... Bear had some stuff to go through, I had some intense stuff happen that I'm still trying to figure out... but I know that I can keep my head up if I just take things one at time. 

Side Note...  the action plan is going well, I still have a lot to do and I have had to make a few substitutions but overall its going well, and that I can say I'm proud of! 
:)

Plan of Action

Given the amount of stuff I want to do in the next couple weeks I figured I better make a plan.  So here is my first attempt at a Google Doc as well as my idea on how to accomplish all that I want to accomplish.  I may not get it all done, and I'm okay with that, but I do want to put in a valiant effort! 
Feel free to let me know what you think. :)

Action Plan

A Collection of Thoughts: By Jessica

Six years ago I bought a new car... I had recently married Bear, we had money from the wedding for a really good down payment and I qualified for a GMC family discount. We bought a Chevy Malibu MAXX. Yesterday the title came in the mail and it feel weird to know that next month I don't have to send $300+ to a bank to keep the "Iron Fury" (that's what Bear calls the car).

This is not my car but it is an approximation!

I am leading a group tonight at work.  This always makes me nervous and jittery.  We are going to talk about family dynamics, a topic I feel confident about so I know it will go well.  I have this weird thing where I freak out about group therapy, but I'm fine if I call it teaching or training.  I can't explain it, maybe its because I have done a lot of teaching/training maybe its because I feel like therapy is more active than teaching... whatever it is at this point in my life group is a terrifying experience, that is until I'm at least 20 minutes in and then I'm fine.

My office is freezing cold, but I don't really want to increase the temperature because then it gets way too hot...  I just wish I had a cardigan.

I have been working on my 30 things...  I probably need to step it up a little... I originally thought well one thing per day, but that doesn't account for a some of things that I have challenged to do a few times or everyday and it also doesn't account for 10 to 12 hour work days where I'm not going to get something on the list accomplished.  So this weekend I need to knock a few off the list and make a plan for the rest!

I think that's all for now...  wish me luck for tonight and to get through my list!  :)

30 in 30

*disclaimer - I wrote this post on 03/02/12, but it has taken till now to get it into the computer and posted for your eyes, I have started to cross things off!

In 30 days I will be 30 years old. I hate to admit it but I'm struggling a bit with this number. I feel like this is becuase I had expectations about my life at 30 and while many of them have come to pass I am struggling to focus on those and not the expectations I have not met.  I have decided therefore that I need to do something to really ring in this new decade.  I was inspired by a couple of my friends who put a lot more thought and dedication into this idea Amy and Jessii (you should totally check out these links cause I'm super excited that I figured out how to do this).  But I did really think through what I want the next month to look like... so here it is, the things I want to accomplish in the next 30 days.

Places to go:
1.  Church every Sunday
2.  Dinner Date with Bear
3.  Zumba class
4.  On a 3 mile walk
5.  A Day Trip
People to See/Connect with:
6.  Jessii
7.  Samantha
8.  Andrew
9.  Deana
10. Michelle
11. Dave & Kim
12. Grandma
13. Celeste
14. Lauren
15. Nicole & Andrew
Things to do:
16. Bike 100 miles
17. Go a week with no more then 2 hours TV/day
18. Catch up on laundry
19. Pack away seasonal decorations
20. Rake and Weed the graden
21. Sew somthing
22. Read a whole book on kindle
23. Spend an afternoon in my hammock
24. Cook a South African dinner
25. Complete TU application & FAFSA
26. Blog 6 times
27. Research diet options
28. Start Halloween scrapbook
29. Get a massage
30. Have a birthday pitch-in/game night

The Start Button

On video games there is usually a start button.  When I was younger if you hit the start button your game would sometimes reset and go back to the beginning.  This was both good and bad.  It meant that if your brother was mad at you he could hit the button and loose your progress (honestly that happened mostly the other way around), and it also meant that if the game wasn't going well you could hit the button and get back to a point where it was going well.  So that's what I'm doing now.  I need to restart. 

I doubt that this will be the last restart but who knows (I am working on the being positive thing).  I disclosed a while back that I am in a battle with depression.  Part of this fight has been working on how I manage myself and my stress.  The past month has been stressful, not all bad stress but stress just the same.  I am planning a wedding, getting settled into a new job, and worrying about my health and the complications that come with that.  I also have been really scared recently about the future.  I know I can't predict it, I know I can't control it... I can worry about, I shouldn't worry about it but since that all I can really DO... I DO it.  See, Bear and I are thinking about starting a family.  But I haven't met all my conditions yet... I had this idea that there were certain things that would have happened in my life by the time I was ready for kids they are as follows:

1. Be semi-fluent in Spanish
2. Both have jobs
3. Have a dog
4. Have a monthly cleaning lady
5. Weigh less

None of those have come to pass, and yet I really want a kid.  So I am feeling torn and putting a lot of pressure on myself to figure out are these things necessary, are they good ideas, what do I really need, what is negotiable, how much am I willing to negotiate... 

See how I worry.

So that's sort of where I am right now. Trying to fight my depression, figure out the future, and stay in the present.  I'm trying to take it day by day and not get overwhelmed but that hasn't been the case this month... here's to March. I am making a plan which I'll post about soon, we will see if that helps!

Stay tuned...

Some Inspiration...

There are two words that have always meant something a little extra to me.  Extraordinary is one of them and Pandamonium is the other.  (I'll let you know more about the second one soon.)

Now this one is more in line with my world view.  I have a necklace with this quote from Ghandi on it, I wear it any time I begin to questions what I do or why. 

I plan on posting again, something a little more in-depth, soon. Sorry this one is a little content light.

Gettin' Crafty

For the past few years I have endeavored to create original homemade Christmas gifts.  I have done so with varying degrees of success but this year I found that my gifts went over quite well, which makes me quite happy.  So I thought I would share a few pictures!

I started by locating pictures of letters.  I found ones from nature, ones that were more architectural, and some that were letters isolated from signs.  I was able to locate nearly three whole alphabets.  Then I used photo editing software to put them together to form the words.  The tricky part was getting them printed out.  I found the frames on clearance sale at Michael's and therefore needed a certain size.  After research and experimentation I ended up printing them on Snapfish, using the collage option.   After everything the total came to less than $20.00 per picture. 


This is the one I made for Bear's sister.  I guess you can tell what she does for a living.  The quote says "Education Is Not the Filling of a Pail, But the Lighting of a Fire" from William Butler Yates.    She called me shortly after she opened it and told me she really liked it.  Given that she is not generally one to sugar coat thing I feel like I did a good job!

 This is the one I made for my mother.  It says SHALOM and the caption below is a description of the aspects of Shalom.  It says Contentment, Completeness, Wellness, Well-Being, Harmony, Health, Complete Peace, Wellness, Safety, Selflessness, Tranquility, Prosperity, Perfection, Fullness, Rest, Harmony.  I believe that it is her goal, her hope to achieve shalom in her life and I wanted to give her a reminder.  She loved it and immediately started figuring out the place it would best remind her! 



This is the one I made for the Bear's brother's wife.  The quote says "The love in our family flows strong and deep, leaving us memories to treasure and keep."  I don't who wrote it, I found it in a magazine and it was so cute I felt it would be a good match for her.  I didn't get to see her open it but I hope it went over better than some past presents I have made for her.  

This is the that I made for Mama Bear.  Bear grew up in one of the historic peace churches and Mama Bear fully believes in the doctrine of peace.  Hers was one of the first words I knew I would use.  I used a gold/light brown backing for her pictures so that it would match many rooms in her home.  The quote is Romans 12:18, If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.  I was actually at one of my parent's churches when they were preaching on this scripture.  I wrote it out for myself and when I knew I was using the word Peace I also knew I was going to use this scripture.  Mama Bear called me three times during the week she ogt her gift to let me know how much she liked it... I was so happy to have created something that resonated so well with her.  


This one I made for the best man in my wedding and his lovely SO (significant other).  I feel like you can probably make this one out, but in case you can't it says Dream and give yourself permission to envision a you that you choose to be - Joy Page.  I again wasn't there when this got opened given that it had lottery tickets and a starbucks gift card taped to the back I'm guessing that the overall affect was positive!



Well, that's what I made.  A little bit of creativity, a lot of time and patience. Overall, great outcomes and really nice to get my creativity flowing again.  Sicne I finished these I have also been able to make a couple crochet scarves a hat, and a few other small things.  My next project... I think...  will be a scrapbook of my Halloween parties.  I loaded all the pictures from the past four years onto the computer this week so that a good first step.  :)  

Ch... Ch... Ch... Changes

Here's the thing.  I have been through a lot of change in the past two years. I went through a period where my job changed every few months, the last of that series of changes left me working 70 minutes from home with all new people in a program I had no experience with.  The other big change in there was that I went from a program with no real budget to one that was driven by timelines based on billing.  There was a constant feel of being behind and when I asked for support instead of giving me help I was told that  my responsibilities were doable and they kept adding more and more for me to do.  It was horrible, and as I tried to keep up I found myself struggling with something else... depression.  So I did some therapy, I started taking some meds, I wanted to get better.   Months went by and I came to the realization that in order to "get better" I would need more change.  I started by asking my current employer for relief, I was told no, and so I decided to get a new job.  This now bring us to the last two months.  I want to let you all know that for the first time in years I am beginning to feel better.  The day to day stuff like dishes, cooking, and all that are starting to feel less like overwhelming burdens that cannot be overcome and more like mundane but easy tasks.  I am sharing this because it is the real reason behind the SPICES quest.  So... I am making the changes for myself this time.  Taking control of the things that I can control and letting the things I can't control go... it is a journey that I imagine will take a while.  But I'm hopeful that I am on the correct path.